An ex.....

When I first became an ex-wife, I hated the prefix "ex." It made me feel less, like w/out a husband I was half a person.

I married 'O' because I became pregnant w/our first son. He didn't hesitate to ask me once we found out, and within two weeks we were married and on our way to Fort Jackson, Columbia, South Carolina, where he was stationed. I disliked that place. I was without my family, friends, pregnant and newly married, soon to be a mom. I thought when my son was born that I'd be happier, but instead, I probably experienced post partum depression. Thankfully, we were only there a year when 'O' got orders to Honolulu, Hawaii. Everything changed, for the better.

That place was magic. I loved my job, we were surrounded by the ocean everywhere we went, what's not to love! We lived a mile from the stadium, so for the 3 years we were there, we went to the pro-bowl every year. I got pregnant w/my second son, he was born at Tripler Army Hospital (the pearl on the hill). Life was awesome and we had nothing. Our extravagant purchase the third year we were there was to buy a new car. Other than that, we lived on his unlisted E-5 pay. But then the orders came.

Olympia, Washington (Fort Lewis), another amazing, beautiful, majestic place. Thank God we were only there a year though. I need sun! The only months of sunshine were in June, July and August. We were there in 1986, and talk about timing, the World's Fair was in Vancouver so we went north for a weekend and got to experience a once in a lifetime event. We took a detour thru Victoria Station and I know I keep repeating myself, but beautiful doesn't even begin to describe that place. We then took the ferry back to Port Angeles and saw even more beautiful country. My favorite memory of Olympia is from where we lived, we had the most amazing view of Mt. Rainier. I called her the ghost mountain because it appeared to float on thin air. Ok, one more time....beautiful!!

Next came Fort Belvoir, Virginia. Everyone should get to experience living around our nations capital. We would go to DC every chance we could, and thankfully that was often. We lived there 3 years and were sad to leave, since we held good jobs and plus, you just get tired of moving. Next stop was Fort Sam in San Antonio, TX. We didn't stay long since 'O' was in school and then he got orders for the Gulf War. He brought the boys and I home to ABQ in 1991 and we've been here since.

I know I haven't explained why I'm an ex, but really, who cares. It fell apart, slowly, but surely. It wasn't what I wanted...to be an ex, but I'm also not bitter about it either. I did what I needed to do for my boys and I feel good about it. Plus, God provided when I couldn't. Things were rough the first 4 years, mostly because I had to live w/my mom. Try being 36 and live w/your mom again, with two boys. That was a challenge, but we survived and really, I am truly thankful that I had a good home to live in and so did my sons. I was finally able to buy my house in 2000, which I consider my slice of heaven on earth :).

So I've filled in most of the blanks of who I am. If there's anything you'd like to know, ask...I'm pretty open.

Flight 93

I'm watching A&E's Flight 93 right now, and seeing/hearing this all over again is making me so angry. F'ing terrorists! They destroyed so many lives that day. My emotions are going from anger to instant tears. Those poor people on those planes never had a chance. I don't even know why I started watching it because I knew it'd make me emotional.

This song says it all....

This song just blew me away today after really listening to the lyrics. I've heard it before but guess I never really listened to the words, which is weird for me since I love lyrics and try to learn them if it's a song I really like. How can a song just pull your soul out and leave you feeling like you've been rode hard and put away wet??

Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz

There comes a time
To be free of the heart
I wanna be ready
Ready to start
On a love journey
Got places to go
Made up my mind
And I have got to let you know

Heaven help the heart
That lets me inside
Heaven help the one
Who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool
That walks through my door
'cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love

A funny feeling's coming
Over me
Now I'm inspired and open to being
In a love place
But it's out of my hands
I'm telling you baby that you got to understand

Heaven help the heart
That lets me inside
Heaven help the one
Who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool
That walks though my door
'cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love
Ready for love

I can't see what's out there for me
And I know love offers no guarantee
I'll take a chance and i'm
Telling you something babe
I got to let you know

Heaven help the heart
That lets me inside
Heaven help the one
Who comes in my life
Heaven help the fool
That walks through my door
'cause I decided right now
I'm ready for love

Ready for love
Take a chance
Take the chance on love
The heart, the fool

I guess the reason this song has affected me is because in May I'll have been divorced 10 years. I shut down for all of the years that my sons were with me and since my baby moved out last year, I've allowed myself some indulgences. I'm ready for love....again!

Can't sleep....

so I'm watching a commercial w/Erick Estrada?? He's actually trying to sell property in a community in ARKANSAS called Hot Springs Village?? not sleeping sucks!

Aren't we all a little quirky??

I know I do quirky things that I don't even know how/why they started, but they've carried over even into the work place. Like yesterday, got a bag of M&M's, poured them all out on my desk and started sorting them by color, and then I eat them in 4's. Do you see anything wrong w/this? My friend saw me doing this when she walked in and she thought I was a little whacky - guess I won't tell her about my other obsessions:

- I have to have my clothes in my closet all lined up by color, shirts all together, next to jeans, next to pants, next to skirts, etc.
- when I eat Lucky Charms, I eat the marshmallows last, by charms, in 2's.
- when I work on an excel spreadsheet (almost every day), I have to have the columns lined up perfectly - I obsess with how it will print out.
- when someone talks, sometimes I count a word they've just said on my fingers, over and over and over.
- the towels that are hanging in my bathrooms have to be perfectly aligned
- when I travel, I have a certain pillow that has to come w/me, a pillow that I sleep with every night and has been with me for many years. And no, I don't care what's living in it.
- I can't set my timer on an even number - what I mean is I have my TV go off each night at 11:11 and I have it come on in the a.m. at 5:09 . . .I don't know why?
- the cash I keep in my wallet has to be all facing the same way, and sorted by denomination.

Well you get the gist . . .please tell me I'm not the only one!

I can't explain it . . .

I feel so melancholy today . . . something is weighing heavy on my mind. I'm at a point in my life that I want what I want and screw the consequences, and yet I hold back because I really care about the consequences. I don't expect anyone to understand what it is I'm trying to say, I guess I'm just documenting to be able to look back and see where I was at this juncture in my life.

SHUT UP!!

Steelers 34, Broncos 17 . . .
Do you have any idea how much fun I had watching that game yesterday! I got to call a couple of my friends and friends kids and say “see ya at the Superbowl.” But the best of yesterday is happening today when I get to meet Andy (a Bronco fan) out in the parking lot, to give him my Steeler sweatshirt for him to wear all day!

So how does a New Mexico girl become a Steeler fan you ask? Well it started in the ‘70’s when I started watching football w/dad. He had a team (the LA Rams at the time) so I decided I needed a team and since the Steel Curtain was winning back in the day, I became a Bradshaw, Swann, Harris, Green, AKA Steeler Fan. The love affair has never died. I now loves me some Polamalu, Ward, Roethlisberger, Bettis, Randle El, Miller, Parker, Wilson . . .OK, enough, but to quote a Rose Royce song . . .”I’m in love, and I love the feeling!”

We are family - I got all my sisters w/me!

Went out with Binnie and Bone last night (and Bones friends). She's leaving us on Monday to head back to England to join her husband at Mildenhall. I'm sad for me but I know she's misses her honey and my nephew misses his daddy.

But did I mention we went out last night . . . soooo fun. We danced a lot and this morning, my feet are feeling the effects of cute sexy sandals. It's an age thing, I know!

A cult classic?? OK

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

What's weird is I've never even seen any of the movies that would match me. But I love, LOVE the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show . . . "dammit Janet," is one of my favorite sayings.

(thanks Jerk - I stole this from you . . . )

What a grouch!!!

Why do people try to talk to me first thing in the morning? Please, just let me get my coffee going, let me start my computer and let me take that first sip! I think I was just rude - again - to a co-worker . . . someone who is actually very sweet. But don't these people recognize a caffeine addict when she's racing to the sink every morning to fill her pot w/water? Don't they recognize the no emotion on the face as a sign that life doesn't start flowing until the cream and sugar hit the veins? Now I have to go make small talk to this woman who I'm sure I offended by showing not an ounce of interest in her story . . .

Steelers 21 - Colts 18

Yeah, that's right . . .even though those stupid ass refs tried to make us lose by not giving Troy his due interception; and even though two Colts defensive lineman ran across the line of scrimmage, pointing at the Steelers as if our linemen moved, which would have forced an offside call and a first down. What a lousy job of officiating. I hope they all get fired - stinking suck ass refs! But it still didn't matter, 'cause we still stuck it to you. Next stop . . . Denver!

Dreams are weird . . .

I swear - two nights ago I dreamt that I was on the phone talking to a friend of mine who in reality, quit talking to me last September. I truly don't know why she quit talking to me 'cause she wouldn't tell me. I was really hurt w/her initially, but now I'm mostly just confused w/her behavior. Anyway, I came in to work today and sitting in my email box was one from her asking if I wanted to talk, and would I call her. Of course I wrote and said I did, and would. I'm just not into placing blame and harboring ill feelings, so hopefully I'll finally find out what the deal was. I have some amazing friends, which I should go ahead and start writing about now since I'm on the subject. Is it weird to have different sets of friends?

My first set of friends are my high school friends - Vic-pooh, Gebes and Fag (they are the other toes in my pic on this blog site). I consider them my soul mates (I don't think it has to be the opposite sex). They know everything about me - from my highest high to my lowest low! I adore them and they me. Also, our kids are all best friends - and I don't mean just acquaintances, they love each other as much as we love each other.

Lets start w/Vic-pooh (Vic) . . . she's our cheerleader. Anytime you need encouraging, she's the one to go to, to get affirmation. When we first met, I hated her. She denies it, but she was flirting w/my cousin’s boyfriend at the time. We ended up in the same math class our junior year and have been the closest of friends since. We even got kicked out of that class one day when we could not stop laughing at something random - the teacher (turtle butt was our nickname for him) didn't appreciate the minutes of snickering that couldn't be contained. I love her. We'd be perfect for each other if we were into that sort of thing. Of course, we just don't have the parts that each other likes :). Too bad 'cause she's a catch - something her ex never figured out.

Gebes (Gina) . . . she's the sensible one - in a Lucy sort of way (as in I love Lucy). If you want total honesty, no holds barred, she's the one you go to. She tells it like it is and sometimes it hurts - she doesn't try to hurt you, but the honesty is brutal nonetheless. She's my cousin that I talked about in a previous post, so she's like another sister. We're blood - nothing stronger than that. We've had a love affair since we've been in the womb. So she's sensible, but oh my gosh she does some dumb ass stuff. Once she called and said she was in the store w/two different pair of shoes on. Typical Gebes.

Karen (the Fag) . . . she's our comedian. You want/need to laugh, Fag's your girl (except when her husband and daughter are running a 102 degree temp.). No one has ever made me laugh as hard and as much as her. Dry shit, that many times only I get if we're in a larger group. She has a comeback to anything you say to her - and forget it if you do something stupid (she'll remember it at the next gathering) and make sure to bring it up at the appropriate time. Last month it was Vic's turn at the Fag wheel. Oh man did we laugh at her expense. I won't go into detail, but I believe the subject of a lymphoma came up a lot! Karen lived across the street from Gina and so by default, I became friends w/her also. Plus we were on drill team together our junior and senior year.

I have so many crazy stories about these wonderful women, but I've written enough for now. Next, I'll write about my "Vegas" girls . . .

Sick day!

I called in sick today and I never call in sick. I just want to hang out w/my sisters and since one is still visiting and the other is off, I'm playing hookey. It feels so good. I guess this is one of those "wellness" days I've heard about. Plus, my work environment (specifically - hot boy) has me feeling yucky lately. I really hope he stops to see me today and I'm not there. So childish I know. But when, WHEN are these men going to start appreciating a good woman?? Another blog for another time.

What a name invokes

Isidro. Not a common name; kinda of a strange name; in 99.9% of the population it wouldn't invoke a warm fuzzy that starts from the gut and travels up to the neck and heats up a face and leaves you tingly and weak at the same time. In fact, I bet this name gets pronounced wrong a lot. But last night, I came in contact w/this name and it has lips attached. Ummm!

A sister . . .

I’m the oldest of four and if you ask my siblings, they’ll tell you I’m the bossiest. Aren’t we supposed to be?

Binnie (Robin) came four years after me and poor thing – I couldn’t stand her. When she was old enough to start following me around, she was at my heels and I would do everything I could to ditch her. Part of this dislike is that I was already close to my cousin who is three weeks older than I, so we were raised as sisters (we’re still very close). Poor Bin, we were so mean to her – we would act like we could speak Spanish to each other and point at her and laugh. I know – we were the epitome of ‘mean girls.’ But now, I adore her. Not only is she my sister by blood, she’s one of my best friends. My son’s think she’s the perfect Tia (Spanish for Aunt) since she’s the one that first started taking them to R-rated movies. When I first found out about this, she got the new nickname of “bad Tia.” She’s so bad, that she put the movie “Jurassic Park” on for my niece (who was three at the time) and left her to watch it by herself. Yup, my niece was terrified but eventually got over it. But who leaves a three year old alone watching that type of movie? The “bad Tia,” that's who. Anyway, Bin is a saint in disguise and anyone who meets her, loves her (except some of those jealous bitches she works with since she’s a police dispatcher supervisor). Some of those women – whew – they be the true mean girls!

Paul Joe came 10 years later and he was so damn cute. Maybe ‘cause he was the first (and only) boy, he got lots of attention from his sisters. He’s a pain in the ass now, but again, I really love him. He’s very driven. He’s been selling commercial real estate for over 10 years now and is part owner of a club in Vegas called OPM in Caesars Forum Shops. He gave us our only niece 6 years ago but unfortunately, he didn’t stay married to her mother. Marriage – it’s so hard.

Bone (Teresa Lynn) came 12 years later and she was a surprise to mom and dad. She’s our Ethie girl (she was born in Ethiopia). She took on the baby roll and still plays that card to this day. She’s such a baby :). Boney is an awesome mom – her son came along a year and half ago and he is one of the funniest babies I’ve ever seen. I can’t give him justice trying to describe his personality, but he walks around just jabbering and makes faces at everything and everyone. It’s odd, but sooo funny. Anyway, Bone is my baby sister, but again, is one of my best friends.

So, I’m a sister. I can’t imagine my life without my siblings. Plus, we need each other to take the heat off when our parents feel the need to find fault w/us . . .

A little about me . . .

1. What is your first name? Annette
2. Are you named after anyone? Nope
3. Do you wish on stars? Only on the first star or if I see a shooting star; also my boys and I think that when we see the time 11:11 on the clock, we get to wish on that, and of course when we blow out candles. I totally believe in making wishes.
4. When did you last cry? ????
5. Do you like your handwriting? No, I write messy.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Ham
7. What is your birth date? February 9th.
8. What is your most embarrassing music CD? I don't get this question?
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Definitely.
10. Do you have a journal? I just started blogging - does that count.
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Doesn't everyone?
12. What are your nicknames? Net, Netters, Nettie, Dog, Dogalogy, Net-pooh
13. Would you bungee jump? Absolutely not!
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope.
15. Do you think that you are strong? In a girly kinda way. Like I don't want to learn how to connect my AC, so that's when I act weak. And I don't want to drag the Christmas tree from the shed, so I act weak . . . you get it . . .
16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? B&J's Cherry Garcia
17. Shoe Size? 7 or 7 1/2 - just depends on the shoe - just bought 3 pair on the 1st, since Shoes on a Shoestring change their prices at the beginning of each month. Got some good ones :).
18. Red or pink? Red
19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My negative thoughts.
20. Whom do you miss most? Both my grannies!
21. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I'd love it, but know it won't happen (this says this 'cause it went out originally as an email).
22. What color pants, shirt and shoes are you wearing? No pants, black and white skirt w/black shirt and black and white shoes - silver jewelry :).
23. What are you listening to right now? Michael Franks - the Art of Tea (gift from my boyz).
25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Today - orange.
26. What is the weather like right now? Beautiful sunshine in ABQ (but we better get some moisture soon).
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Vicky - we asked her to go to the movies w/us last night.
28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Lips.
29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yup, she's my bud.
30. Favorite drink? Water
31. Favorite Sport? Football - how 'bout them Steelers! Then baseball.
32. Hair Color? Brown
33. Eye Color ? Brown
34. Do you wear contacts? Not any more . . . good 'ole lasik.
35. Favorite Food? Pizza
36. Last Movie You Watched? Munich - pretty good - thought provoking . . .
37. Favorite Day of the Year? the 9th of Feb. :)
38. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy endings - I don't get the scary thing - who wants to get scared?
39. Summer Or Winter? Summer (and water).
40. Hugs OR Kisses? Both
41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Mom's fudge but now my sis made "hello Vicky's" for Christmas and they were wonderful. Just ask Vic.
42. What is your favorite Music? Mostly I like everything but country.
43. Living Arrangements?? For the first time, by myself in my little townhouse - I love it.
44. How far away from home have you traveled? Asmara, Ethiopia
45. Have you been in another country? See above.
46. Do you like animals? Sure, but don't want any - that would mean I would have to be responsible for something.
47. If you could go anywhere on a dream vacation? Canary Islands in the summer, or Mediterranean Cruise.

Happy New Year!

Went to a party at a friends house last night and really enjoyed myself because my friends nephew was there. He's 32 and so sweet and is it wrong that I find myself totally attracted to him. I left w/him to go to another party for a while, which was fun, but what continues to amaze me is his maturity level. He could of taken off and ditched me but he was attentive and introduced me to his friends. Did I mention how sweet he is? We went back to the first party and he took off shortly after because his kids wanted to see him. I know, in the immortal words of my cousin . . .just run!