I'm a daughter . . .

My parents are wonderfully whacked. They are very much the stereotypical Spanish/Catholic parents who love to make their kids feel guilty about anything and everything they can. Right now, mom is having her pity party ‘cause my baby sister left w/pops to Vegas for the new year. They’re also going to the fiesta bowl and then to visit his/our family in San Diego. My sister is visiting from England (where her husband is stationed) with my only nephew, and has been here since December 7th and won’t be leaving until the end of January. So mom is feeling slighted. This has been happening a lot since dad has moved back to ABQ. Let me start from the beginning.

Dad and mom were high school sweet hearts who married right out of HS. Dad joined the Navy and was sent to Vietnam and mom and I lived with her parents for a couple of years. My sweet grandma died on my 5th birthday. I still dream of her and still have strong memories of her. Dad (or the Navy) took us to some incredible places. We’ve lived in Vallejo and San Diego, CA, Norfolk and Chesapeake, VA, Pensacola, FL, Asmara, Ethiopia and of course, ABQ. My ex took me to more places, but I’ll write about that later. So we’ve traveled and we’ve experienced life outside of New Mexico. Looking back I saw where my parents deteriorated. I was blind to it at the time, but kids do that – they don’t want to see their parents apart. I had the benefit of them through my entire childhood, since they didn’t divorce until I was already married. My brother and baby sister didn’t fare the same. They were young and so had to witness the hostility and anger that comes with separation and eventually divorce. It was ugly. Mom never remarried but dad did and his second wife died in 2000 of cancer of the stomach and liver - an awful way to die.

So, dad lived in San Diego and eventually Carlsbad, CA, and mom has lived here in ABQ. She’s been incredible and did her best to raise the other three mostly by herself. We’re all grown now, and have been married (only one is still) all with good jobs, so they did something right. We children really do appreciate our mom and her generosity, but what gets her into trouble w/all of us is her temper and her judgment of us (dad has the same mouth, temper and generosity). Is it a parent thing to find fault w/their children? (I struggle with this at times also, but I do try not to verbalize it to them.) One of us is always in trouble w/her (mostly my brother), but with me there’s an underlying anger issue. I think it started when I married a black man (major drama) and has continued with me because I left the catholic church. Didn’t leave going to church, just left the church I was raised in. So, it’s an issue, but what do you do?

I have a feeling this blog will be a vent for me at times since both parents are a little whacked, but man do I love them. And am thankful for them. None of us are perfect, right? Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to our parents – God bless ‘em!!!

I'm selfish . . .

As I've gotten older, I've become more selfish w/my time. I'm mostly ashamed of this trait since I know my brother could use my help right now since he is moving into his new house, and I haven't called to offer any help. He has all his buddies that are more able to move his crap, but I know I could help with the cleaning of his old house or even help by watching my niece. Yeah, I suck, but I'm still not calling.

Christmas Day!!

I'm so blessed. My Lord's birthday and the last 24 hours spent w/family and friends. The only thing that could make this holiday more complete is hot boy calling me this week to come over and watch movies and eat popcorn. I can only hope.

I'm a mom . . .

My oldest son, Michael Benjamin blessed my life 23 years ago. He was born at Fort Jackson, Columbia, SC. I wasn't ready to be a mom, but God had other plans for me. He is so precious - even now as a young adult, I totally adore him. As a baby, he was sleeping through the night within 2 weeks and I couldn't believe my body was the tool used to make such a perfect child. I swear he used to smell like maple syrup and so I was always in his neck just sucking in his fragrance. (Now, forget it, the boy is stinky!) He was an easy child to raise, just always went w/the flow. If we went to the movies, he'd sleep, if we went to a restaurant, he'd sleep, if we'd fly, he'd sleep - he was so easy. He struggled with school as he got older and now has an aversion to it, but he seems to enjoy what he does, so who hopefully he'll find his niche in life.

My youngest child, Steven Anthony, was born 20 years ago in Honolulu, HI. I was taking the pill at the time, but there wasn't a pill strong enough to stop that child from coming into this world. He's always been headstrong and continues to be very independent. He just moved out of my house this year and initially I was very sad, but honestly, it's been nice not having to worry about him. And I don't mean that like I've had to worry, it's just that when they're out 'till 2 in the a.m., mom's can't sleep 'till they get home. It had been happening more frequently in the past year and at that age you can't really give them a curfew, so you just go w/out sleep. Anyway, Steven was my funniest child. He made his dad and I laugh all the time with his antics. From calling people "bonk heads" to "you're funky looking" to dressing up like the character at whatever movie we had gone to that week. He entertained us. He still makes me laugh so hard. Right now, him and I keep having a contest at who we think is funniest. I won't tell him this, but he won last week by sending me back a text message on his phone (after I texted first and ended it by saying "see, funny.") He sent back "knock knock, who's there, not funny . . . " Anyway, the child makes me laugh.

My son's are my greatest gift, ever, from God. They are sweet, and rotten; they're fun, funnier and funniest; they can quote just about every movie they've ever seen, and they've seen a lot; they are handsome, and just plain adorable; their friends love them (just ask the brat, I mean Brit). Well that's all for now on the mom thing. I'm blessed and don't know why.

I think this is going to be hard . . .

I honestly don't know if I'll be one of those who blogs everyday. I'm thinking it'll be hard to always write about something. So many of the other bloggers make it look easy. Anyway, last night I went to a party and we exchanged white elephant gifts. I personally love to do this 'cause I have so much old jewelry and just junk in general that passing it on is easier for me than throwing it away. Why is that? I still have lots of stuff that won't ever get worn or put on a shelf, but I can't throw it away. To just throw it away feels wrong . . .I can't explain it.

I've finally done it!!

I've been inspired by some amazing writers (Brit, Charlie, Hu, SugarV, Freak) and decided that it's time I started to blog. This is my first attempt at exposing myself to the world, so if I seem evasive - just give me time.