I'm a daughter . . .

My parents are wonderfully whacked. They are very much the stereotypical Spanish/Catholic parents who love to make their kids feel guilty about anything and everything they can. Right now, mom is having her pity party ‘cause my baby sister left w/pops to Vegas for the new year. They’re also going to the fiesta bowl and then to visit his/our family in San Diego. My sister is visiting from England (where her husband is stationed) with my only nephew, and has been here since December 7th and won’t be leaving until the end of January. So mom is feeling slighted. This has been happening a lot since dad has moved back to ABQ. Let me start from the beginning.

Dad and mom were high school sweet hearts who married right out of HS. Dad joined the Navy and was sent to Vietnam and mom and I lived with her parents for a couple of years. My sweet grandma died on my 5th birthday. I still dream of her and still have strong memories of her. Dad (or the Navy) took us to some incredible places. We’ve lived in Vallejo and San Diego, CA, Norfolk and Chesapeake, VA, Pensacola, FL, Asmara, Ethiopia and of course, ABQ. My ex took me to more places, but I’ll write about that later. So we’ve traveled and we’ve experienced life outside of New Mexico. Looking back I saw where my parents deteriorated. I was blind to it at the time, but kids do that – they don’t want to see their parents apart. I had the benefit of them through my entire childhood, since they didn’t divorce until I was already married. My brother and baby sister didn’t fare the same. They were young and so had to witness the hostility and anger that comes with separation and eventually divorce. It was ugly. Mom never remarried but dad did and his second wife died in 2000 of cancer of the stomach and liver - an awful way to die.

So, dad lived in San Diego and eventually Carlsbad, CA, and mom has lived here in ABQ. She’s been incredible and did her best to raise the other three mostly by herself. We’re all grown now, and have been married (only one is still) all with good jobs, so they did something right. We children really do appreciate our mom and her generosity, but what gets her into trouble w/all of us is her temper and her judgment of us (dad has the same mouth, temper and generosity). Is it a parent thing to find fault w/their children? (I struggle with this at times also, but I do try not to verbalize it to them.) One of us is always in trouble w/her (mostly my brother), but with me there’s an underlying anger issue. I think it started when I married a black man (major drama) and has continued with me because I left the catholic church. Didn’t leave going to church, just left the church I was raised in. So, it’s an issue, but what do you do?

I have a feeling this blog will be a vent for me at times since both parents are a little whacked, but man do I love them. And am thankful for them. None of us are perfect, right? Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to our parents – God bless ‘em!!!